15. A Scandalously Clad V-Day

14. Lebanese Tendencies

13. "I Got You, Ma"

12. Rose Will End Your Life

11. The Case of the Libertine Belle

10. "Maestro, How About Something with a Little...OCTANE!"

9. Who's the Biggest Slut of All?

8. The Great Herring War

7. A Very Special Episode

6. Broadway Bea

5. Brotherly Love

4. "Miami Is Nice, So I'll Say It Thrice?"

3. Never Can Say Goodbye

2. The Sky Is Falling!

1. "Gee, Lady, Just Get Out of Prison?"

The Golden Girls 15 Greatest Moments

Relive some of the greatest moments from one of the greatest sitcoms, in GIF form. 

Absolutely Fabulous is a comedic institution and has been almost from its very first episode, "Fashion", which premiered 24 years ago on the BBC. Audiences immediately fell for the boozed up and drugged up shenanigans of eternal BFFs Edina Monsoon (Jennifer Saunders) and Patsy Stone (Joanna Lumley).  

Related | Still Crazy—And Absolutely Fabulous—After All These Years

Ab Fab: The Movie may be the dynamically disastrous duo's last hurrah, especially considering the pace at which creator Jennifer Saunders prefers to work. “You keep meeting people and they keep enjoying it, but it was Joanna Lumley who finally forced me into it,” says Saunders, who would much rather sweep her terrace than sit down to write. “She put it very simply, and very brilliantly. She simply said ‘You must write it, darling. Otherwise we will all be dead and we won’t have made the film.'"

The movie follows Edina, whose PR career has hit the skids, and Patsy, somehow still a successful magazine editor, as they're invited to a major fashion event. An overzealous Eddy takes a chance to sign Kate Moss, currently between representation, a little too far, accidentally pushing the supermodel into the river Thames. Escaping the paparazzi and in search of wealthy husbands, Eddy and Patsy flee to the French Riviera. The playground of the filthy rich (unsurprisingly) agrees with the two high society pariahs, who hatch a scheme to make their escape permanent. 

It's Eddy and Patsy's gutsy, glamorous lives, devotion to debauchery, and ribald resolution to be themselves at all costs that has particularly appealed to LGBT audiences, while Ab Fab simultaneously has embraced LGBT characters and issues. So when the film announced they were casting an army of drag queens, an army of drag queens—such as UK gurls Jodie Harsh and La Voix, as well as some RuPaul's Drag Race alums—turned up and turned out, tucked and ready for anything. 

The show's popularity, much like Patsy's hangover, has not waned in over two decades, thanks to intermittent comeback seasons, multiple specials, and a cult-like following. Now, Pats and Eddy are back for one last cinematic hurrah. Featuring a champagne-soaked limousine full of cameos from Moss, Jean Paul Gaultier, Stella McCartney, and many others, as well as some familiar faces, Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie is a love letter to fans of the show, both old and new.

But for new fans perhaps unaware of Patsy and Eddy's influence on the gays, and very much vice versa, we have a short herstory lesson. Below, check out five of Ab Fab's gayest and greatest moments.

Justin and Oliver

Justin is Eddy's second ex-husband and the father of her defiantly frumpy daughter Saffy. After he and Eddy divorced, Justin came out as gay and started seeing Oliver, with whom he owns an antique shop. Justin and Eddy's relationship remains strained, though they do their best to put on a brave front for Saffy's sake.  

To varying degrees of success.

Fists Across America

In a last ditch effort to please one of her few remaining clients, the erstwhile supermodel Twiggy, Edina persuades her to be the face of a new radical gay rights campaign Fists Across America, whose brilliant tagline is "We're Not Taking It Lying Down Anymore."

Serge 

Serge is Edina's beloved, oft-mentioned but never seen son from her first marriage. In the 2002 special "Gay" we finally get to meet Serge when Edina and Patsy head to New York where Serge has been living. Turns out Serge is as frumpy as Saffy, but at least he's gay, which is all Edina wanted anyway.

Why else would she "blast my belly with Donna Summer for nine months" and have her hairdresser "lay hands" on him? Though Eddy was disappointed by how boring Serge is, she at least gets a souvenir from her New York trip: another gay son.

She adopts Martin, Serge's suitably flamboyant boyfriend. 

Patsy's Temporary Transition 

In a recent interview with V Magazine, Joanna Lumley "revealed" that Patsy is transgender. Of course, that's something of an open secret for devotees of the series, who may remember that back in the '60s, Patsy underwent a little makeover and lived briefly as a man. Very briefly. 

Still, "Pat" seems to have left an impression on Serge.

Maybe not a good impression, but then again, Patsy Stone has never left a good impression on anyone. 

Patsy and Eddy Make It Official

In order to obtain information on Serge's whereabouts, Pats and Eddy pose as a lesbian couple and get married by Goldie—played by none other than EGOT'er and noted ally Whoopi Goldberg—a counselor at GUFF (Gays Uniting Friends and Family), an LGBT drop-in center where Serge volunteers. It's all very impromptu and informal, though the movie ups the ante with a more traditional ceremony.

And Patsy gets back in touch with her masculine side. Will it be happily ever after? It has to be, right? After all, if any two people were made for each other, it's Edina and Patsy.

Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie hits theaters this Friday, July 22!

Ab Fab Herstory Lesson: Why You Need to See It In Theaters

An Ab Fab Herstory Lesson: Why You NEED to See Patsy & Eddy In Theaters

Beyoncé and Rihanna, pop's reigning divas, are both on tour, perhaps easing the long-festering tensions between the Beyhive and the RiRi Navy. For argument's sake, let's just say that they're both great and move on to what's really important: the scourge of Pokémon Go.

As, like, one of the three people on the planet who doesn't play Pokémon Go, I don't quite get the appeal. And  I don't care to. I filled out my absentee ballot because I'm not here for it. But I won't begrudge anyone who is, though I will say that catching Pokémon is not appropriate in some places. The Holocaust Museum, for instance. Maybe go to a park instead. Just a thought.

During a concert by Queen Bey, surveyor and purveyor of all that is fierce, a fan took serious umbrage at a fellow member of the Hive, who apparently had better things to do.

 

She's lucky Solange never saw her. Side note I'm never showering again.

A video posted by Anand Desai-Barochia (@ananddb) on Jul 22, 2016 at 1:12pm PDT

He's understandably upset because A.) those tickets are not cheap, and B.) get your life! Catching Pokémon within the beatific presence of Beyoncé is tantamount to heresy. And while one could argue that devoting time away from Bey to put some stranger on blast is also an affront to Mrs. Knowles-Carter, that Solange comment is accurate and therefore absolves him of any wrongdoing. After all, one of the benefits of living in Beyoncé's shadow is the abundance of fucks not being given around the clock. 

While Beyoncé's patience may be as long as her flowing golden locks, Rihanna's is as thin as the blunt she smoked before getting on stage. To wit, RiRi let fans know that there will be no "Pokémons"—not in this bitch. Not on her watch.

Not the Pokemon Rihanna!!! pic.twitter.com/GA8qUpAwj5

— Shady Music Facts (@TheShadyFacts) July 24, 2016

Good for Rihanna for having the courage to stand up to this menace. See something, say something. Unless that something is a Pokémon, in which case:

Beyoncé May Tolerate Pokémon Go—Rihanna NOT HAVING IT

Beyoncé May Tolerate Pokémon Go at Her Concert—But Rihanna IS NOT HAVING IT

Now that DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz is stepping down amid a leaked email scandal shading Bernie Sanders, we as a nation must ask ourselves, what's going to happen to Kate McKinnon's manic impression of her on SNL?

The Democratic National Convention is off to a rocky start after Wasserman Schultz was greeted with a chorus of boos Monday in Philadelphia. Debs Wass-ultz will resign as party leader following the DNC this week due to the release of thousands of emails by Wikileaks, some of which revealed the Florida representative's staff working to undermine Sanders and his campaign.

If only Wasserman Schultz was as popular as McKinnon's impression of her. Of course, unless the DNC steers directly into a glacier, it should still prove less disastrous than that dog and donkey show masquerading as the Republican National Convention.

Related | Take a Look at What's Going on Outside the Republican Convention

Check out the openly gay SNL cast member and Emmy nominee's constant struggle to keep herself from strangling Fox and Friends co-hosts Steve Doocy (Taran Killam), Elisabeth Hasselbeck (Vanessa Bayer), and Brian Kilmeade (Bobby Moynihan) below:

Michelle Obama. Say it softly, it's almost like praying.

The Firstest First Lady stole the entire goddamn show on the opening night of the Democratic National Convention with a rousing speech that reminded everyone that if she was running, she would've won this election already.

Let's all cross our hearts in appreciation, sweep our hair into a soft bang, and take a look at the 10 best moments from MObama’s speech:

1. Melania Who?

You know, it is hard to believe, especially since we just heard that eight-year-old speech last week.

2. Let's Move...On, Shall We?

Wait, Barack Hussein Obama’s not a Muslim Kenyan hellbent on turning us into a socialist state? Where is this coming from? 

3. High Times

Michelle Obama, brushing off haters since 1964.

4. This Isn't Hillary's First Time at the Rodeo

Shade, but yes, go on…

Ah, there it is. When life gave Hillary lemons, she made lemonade. And she didn't even let Becky with the beret interrupt her grindin'. 

5. Orlando

Amen.

6.  "The Story That Has Brought Me to This Stage Tonight"

Here's where I started fanning myself in exaltation. Take me to church, MO.

7. When She Got Choked Up Talking About the First Daughters

Am I the only one who can't wait for Sasha and Malia to grow up and just run everything? 

8. Yes, She Can

Sister did it for herself, and others.

9. Make America America Again

This, children, is called shade. Notice how she never even had to mention Trump.

10. "Let's Get to Work"

And this is how you unite a party. Michelle Obama won the DNC, won life, and won our hearts. 

Check out FLOTUS's full DNC speech below:

GIFs: Les Fabian Brathwaite

Kenzo x H&M is ferocious.

Fresh off the success of its last high fashion collaboration with Balmain, H&M is ready to take your money again with the help of Kenzo's creative directors Carol Lim and Humberto Leon, who never met an animal print they didn't like and subsequently OD'd on.

The first images from the collection, photographed by Oliver Hadlee Pearch, are serving you tiger print on tiger print, paired with some rather sensibly chic coats—one leather with faux pink shearling and the other an army green parka that's already calling out for your closet.

Isamaya Ffrench, a London-based make-up artist and member of the performance group Theo Adams Company models the former, along with a tiger print top and matching high-waisted leggings that we're not mad at.

Paris-based musician and performance artist Oko Ebombo models the latter with tiger print jeans, while actually pulling off the socks and flip-flops look. Quelle surprise. 

New Yorkers Amy Sall—a student, activist and founder of SUNU: Journal of African Affairs, Critical Thought + Aesthetics—and trans artist, poet and DJ Juliana Huxtable do Grace Jones justice, getting up close and personal in tiger print tops, leggings and boots.

The Kenzo x H&M collection goes online and hits over 250 H&M stores worldwide on November 3.

[h/t] Harper's Bazaar

Who says the world is shit these days? I mean, it is, but how's this for a blindingly bright spot?: the physical manifestation of flawless otherwise known as Tilda Swinton is getting ready to play one of the most fabulous fictional characters of the 20th century, Auntie Mame.

Rumors about Tilda taking on Mame have been kicked about for years but now it seems the project has got some legs, with Oscar-nominated Bridesmaids co-writer and Bad Moms star Annie Mumolo handling script duties. 

Auntie Mame, by closet queen Patrick Dennis (née Edward Everett Tanner III), became an immediate hit when it was published in 1955. Following the adventures, and often misadventures, of the eccentric Mame Dennis as she attempts to raise her nephew Patrick amid a backdrop of the Depression and a boringly conservative society, Auntie Mame was first adapted into a Broadway play in 1956 and then into a beloved, if a bit lengthy, classic film in 1958, for which Rosalind Russell was robbed of an Oscar.

Apparently Susan Hayward just had to Live! a little bit more.

Russell had also starred in the original Broadway play to the tune of a Tony nomination, but Mame made her way to the stage again, this time as a musical in 1966 starring the divine duo of Angela Lansbury and Bea Fucking Arthur. They both ran away with Tonys as Best Lead and Featured Actress in a Musical, respectively.

Arthur reprised the role of boozy bestie Vera Charles in the disastrous film adaptation, starring Lucille Ball as the titular Mame. While Ball was a gifted comedian, she was no singer, but thanks to the costumes, the thick layers of Vaseline on the camera lens, and the film’s “we're doing our best here” attitude, it's become something of a camp classic.

Now, that drunken doyenne of high society looks to have yet another life, thanks to Tilda Swinton. A huge fan of the book, she asked Mumolo to read the 1955 novel to see if she'd be interested in writing "a modern-day adaptation." 

"I said yes, because you say yes to Tilda Swinton when she asks if you want to do something," Mumolo, clearly a wise woman, told Vanity Fair.

“I read the book and it was one of the most fun reads I’ve ever had. It’s totally different from what I had seen in the movie versions,” Mumolo says. “We had meetings and then, as I got a little overwhelmed with a few other work things, I brought on a co-writer to work together on this, because it’s a huge job and an adaptation. I brought on a friend of mine—Stan Chervin [the Oscar-nominated Moneyball co-screenwriter].”

Should Mumolo and Chervin stick closer to the source material, we could potentially have a new, bolder cinematic Mame for a new, boring generation that's desperately in need of some lessons in living a fabulous life. The Mame of the novel is not very matronly or mothering, but rather, she's kind of a bad bitch, who at one point is found sleeping with one of Patrick’s college friends thus scandalizing the entire campus and morbidly embarrassing her nephew. 

Mumolo and Chervin will get back to work on their Auntie Mame adaptation with Swinton slated to star once she finishes wrapping press for Bad Moms.

“I’m really excited about it,” Mumolo says. “You’re always feeling you have to prove yourself, and then once you do that, you’re onto the next thing and you feel like you have to prove yourself again.”

Frankly, Annie, you had me at Tilda. I've already scheduled an Uber XL so I can load it up with a shit ton of Oscars to throw in Swinton's goddamn face.

Let's go back, shall we? To a more innocent time. A time when Reagan was president, thus basically ruining America for the next four decades. A time when disco was dead, New Wave ruled, and Times Square was still dangerous. A time when a 24-year-old brunette from Michigan became the epitome of blond ambition. Out of this abyss ascended Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone, who after 1983, would be known only by her first name, the name of her debut album: Madonna, which was released July 27, 1983.

Pop culture would never be the same. 

What she lacked in talent, she made up for, abundantly, in style, charm, and yes, ambition. She had the sheer will to succeed, which at one point, was what the American dream was all about. A dancer with an unimpressive voice but impressive designs for her own career, Madonna attached herself to any and everyone who could help launch her "Lucky Star." The most important person, at least for a short while, in Madonna's quest for superstardom was John "Jellybean" Benitez, a DJ friend who added the pop sheen by which the album Madonna and the popstar Madonna would be fondly remembered.

Benitez recalled the young Ms. Ciccone:

"[S]he was unhappy with the whole [album], so I went in and sweetened up a lot of music for her, adding some guitars to 'Lucky Star', some voices, some magic... I just wanted to do the best job I could do for her. When we would playback 'Holiday' or 'Lucky Star', you could see that she was overwhelmed by how great it all sounded. You wanted to help her, you know? As much as she could be a bitch, when you were in groove with her, it was very cool, very creative."

Back in 1983, Madonna was cool without all the embarrassing effort, and more importantly, she defied expectations. Many labeled her a featherweight product of MTV, a channel she would come to define in the coming years. Critics dismissed the album upon its initial release, but it would go on to sell 10 million copies worldwide, and spawn the hit singles "Holiday," Lucky Star" and "Borderline."

Those who thought Madonna a flash in the pan were in for a rude awakening. From day one, Madonna was always in control—of her sound, of her image, of her career. Take for instance, when Dick Clark interviewed the up-and-coming singer on American Bandstand—before anyone even knew or cared who she was, Madonna knew damn well. 

Mission accomplished, as Madonna ultimately had the last laugh. 

"The ones that said I was talentless, that I was chubby, that I couldn't sing, that I was a one-hit wonder," she said at her Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. "They pushed me to be better, and I am grateful for their resistance." *sips tea*

Auntie Mame's Enduring Queer Appeal

The Message

LIVE!

Frank (for the Time) Attitude to Sex

Butch Queens

Mame's Basically a Drag Queen

#RECEIPTS

Vera

Life is a banquet and she's gonna make you GAG on it!

33 Songs Responsible for Madonna's World Domination

"Holiday" (1983)

"Lucky Star" (1984)

"Borderline" (1984)

"Like a Virgin" (1984)

"Material Girl" (1984)

"Crazy for You" (1985)

"Angel" (1985)

"Into the Groove" (1985)

"Dress You Up" (1985)

"Live to Tell" (1986)

"Papa Don't Preach" (1986)

"Open Your Heart" (1986)

"Like a Prayer" (1989)

"Express Yourself" (1989)

"Cherish" (1989)

"Vogue" (1990)

"Justify My Love" (1990)

"This Used to Be My Playground" (1992)

"Erotica" (1992)

"Secret" (1994)

"Take a Bow" (1994)

"Bedtime Story" (1995)

"Human Nature" (1995)

"Frozen" (1998)

"Ray of Light" (1998)

"Drowned World/Substitute for Love" (1998)

"Power of Good-bye" (1998)

"Nothing Really Matters" (1999)

"Beautiful Stranger" (1999)

"Music" (2000)

"Don't Tell Me" (2000)

"What It Feels Like for a Girl" (2001)

"Hung Up" (2005)

Madonna's 33 Songs of World Domination

Get into these iconic grooves.

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Balmain Fall/Winter 2016 Campaign by Steven Klein

Wish fulfillment perhaps?

President Obama is tired, you guys. Tired, fed up, and just plain over it when it comes to Donald Trump. At least the message that came in loud and shady at a press conference today, in which the Commander-in-Chief called the Republican presidential nominee "woefully unprepared" to do his job.

With America on a great quest to ruin itself by validating Trump's existence and with as many fucks left as years in the White House, Barack reiterated Tuesday what he preached earlier at the DNC.

But he didn't stop there.

Obama then addressed Trump's attack on Khizr and Ghazala Khan, the parents of a fallen Muslim-American soldier who criticized the real estate magnate at the DNC. Obama's comments can best be summed up by this:

I mean, you can see him trying not to just burn everything to the goddamn ground. Obama also took issue with Trump's lack of "basic knowledge around critical issues," as well as the GOP's hate-hate relationship with him. 

I assume that point will come when Trump dips precariously low in the polls, but until then we'll at least have a few more months to remember what a real president looks and sounds like. Check him out in action below:

Obama Opens the Library (of Congress) On Trump and GOP

Imagine, for a moment, you're a twenty-something It girl with a big movie filled with even bigger stars—one who, somehow, insufferably, has an Oscar. It's the premiere of said big movie and you want to make a splash. To proudly announce, "Hey, world—gag on it!"

What do you wear?

If you're Margot Robbie—as we all should aspire to be—you wear a simple, understated, black dress with a giant gold sequined unicorn galloping up one side because, fuck it and fuck everyone else, you're a goddamn star now!

If you can believe it, the Alexander McQueen showstopper was actually toned down for the red carpet, which, A.) does not take kindly to exposed areolas, and B.) is nowhere to try out a nude panty.

Besides, when a mythological creature is your statement piece, who needs to flash a tit? It's overkill. And while Robbie's Harley Quinn from Suicide Squad is no stranger to overkill, she's also no fashion plate.

Margot Robbie, however, is earning her fashionista stripes, one horned horse at a time.

One more time for the cheap seats: YAS. KWEEN. 

Does Ptown believe in life after Trump? Certainly not, which is why two of the most powerful women in the world are joining forces and descending on the gayest, greatest place on Earth.

Oscar-winner, legend, and serial tweeter Cher will attend a "summer celebration" event in support of Grammy-winner, Democratic presidential nominee, and HBIC Hillary Clinton. The event, slated for August 21 at the Pilgrim Monument, is expected to draw some 500 attendees. 

"She's going to celebrate the amazing diversity of Provincetown and our country," the event's co-host Bryan Rafanelli told the Cape Cod Times. Not sure to whom Rafanelli's referring, but considering he's also the man behind former first daughter Chelsea Clinton's wedding, he's with Hill. 

This will be Clinton's second visit to the historically gay and gay-friendly Cape Cod town this year, but this time she's bringing out the big guns. Cher, a longtime supporter of Hillary, confirmed her attendance on August 21 via the closest thing we have to Gabriel's horn, her Twitter account. 

Related | Cher’s Tweets Inspire An Artist To Say 'I’m With Cher'

General admission tickets have already sold out, but if you have a few thousand dollars hanging around, preferred admission tickets are still available. 

"You couldn't do better for Provincetown, could you?" asked town manager David Panagore. "It could mean there could be a lot of Cher impersonators on Commercial Street that weekend. It's going to be a very big draw, and somebody that a lot of people would like to see."

Imagine it: a sea of mesh bodysuits, wigs on wigs on wigs wigs, and a rainbow of panstuits. This is America, people. 

Babs Streisand—biggest EGO in the business since that Tony is non-competitive—has ruled entertainment with an impeccably-manicured iron fist for the past six decades, and she's gearing up for yet another duets album and mini-tour. She recently opened up to The New York Times on what it's like being Barbra Streisand and in short, it's exhausting.

The 74-year-old legend discusses her earliest showbiz memories, including the iconic duet she had with Judy Garland in 1963. Just two big-voiced divas, one on the come-up, one on a slow and painful decline. Later, Judy shared some words of wisdom with the young Streisand:

“Afterward, she used to visit me and give me advice,” Ms. Streisand says. “She came to my apartment in New York, and she said to me, ‘Don’t let them do to you what they did to me.’ I didn’t know what she meant then. I was just getting started.”

But while Judy Garland was the product, and the casualty, of Hollywood's merciless studio system, Streisand has always been in full control of herself, her image, and her career. Ruthlessly so. This dedication to detail is on dispaly in Streisand's New England-style Malibu home, which inspired the greatest book and play about socially-acceptable craziness ever: 

Ms. Streisand has written a book about the creation of this private Xanadu, My Passion for Design, which became the unlikely basis for a play about her, Jonathan Tolins’s Buyer & Cellar. No, she hasn’t seen it. One of the first things she says to me, chummily, is “I understand you’ve seen Buyer & Cellar; well, now you can see the real thing.”

Though Babs is busy with her latest project, Encore: Movie Partners Sing Broadway, and the subsequent 9-city tour, "The Music … the Mem’ries … the Magic!," she's still got her eye on her great white whale: Gypsy. 

Related | Barbra Streisand Wants Lady Gaga for Her Gypsy Remake, Confirms John Travolta

Streisand's been trying to drag Gypsy to the big screen for years, with her as Mama Rose (naturally), but getting a film made is no easy feat, not even for Barbra Fucking Streisand.

“I’m at their mercy,” she told The Times. “One day you’re going to do Gypsy, the next day it’s off. And then this is the only place—writing a book, making a record or doing a tour—where I can do what I have to do, my work.”

Ugh, where are your priorities, Hollywood? Here's Babs Streisand practically throwing Oscars at you and yet Gypsy isn't even scheduled for a Christmas release yet? Thank god Judy's not alive to see this. 

Barbra Streisand on Judy, Gypsy, and Being Babs

Barbra Streisand on Judy, Gypsy, and Being Babs

Donald Trump has ushered in a glorious new political era of people openly not giving a fuck. When you can seemingly say anything with little to no consequence—unless you're a Democrat—there's no need for a filter. Case in point, GOP communications expert and media advisor/new personal hero Liz Mair.

Mair, a supporter of Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson, was on Anderson Cooper 360 last night and that silver fox had the gall to ask her if she had "lost any hope that the GOP can reign" in Trump.

After taking off her earrings, putting her hair up in a ponytail, and rubbing Vaseline on her face, Mair admitted, “I lost all hope of that probably seven, eight months ago now, quite candidly.” In a candid mood, she continued:

“It’s amazing to me that anybody’s still having a discussion about having some sort of an intervention or bringing him back on message... This is his message. His message is being a loudmouthed dick, basically, and going out there and offending people and then engaging in a bunch of airing of grievances. That’s what he does. He doesn’t have another message.”

Well, that's the closest thing to a fact we've heard from the GOP in ages. So rare a moment is this, it deserves to be preserved for future generations.

Thank you, Liz Mair. 

[h/t] Jezebel

In an excerpt from her new book, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy Schumer recalls her only one-night stand with "the most beautiful man" she'd ever seen."

"A six-foot-two-inch strapping strawberry blond of about thirty-five years," Schumer writes, "I was immediately turned on just looking at him. "

Amy, fresh off a hangover and in her finest airport couture—"zero makeup or bra, sweatpants, a T-shirt, and flats"—wasn't expecting to snag anything, let alone a British sailor named Sam, but when he sat down next to her on the airplane, she did what any thirsty lady with a pulse would do: start sipping away.

They parted after their flight, exchanging emails. Sam, to Amy's surprise, emailed her after her show and she dropped a double entendre or two, and next thing you know she's getting "pummeled by this British superhero."

Not one for one-night stands, Schumer made an exception for Sam because she had been left feeling sexually insecure after an old boyfriend turned out to be gay:

I really needed a boost of sexual confidence during that time of my life. I’d recently learned that a guy I’d been in love with and had dated in the past was gay. Even though it had been a while since we had dated, it still broke my heart when he came out to me. And it made me begin to question myself. This person who made me feel beautiful and sexy for so long was attracted to men. When you get older and wiser, you get your confidence from within, not from the person you are having sex with. But finding out someone I’d dated was gay at that moment in my life was giving me a hard time. I was having trouble feeling like a sexual being and was wondering about my own worth.

Sam helped Schumer get her groove back, and left her feeling like "Marlene Dietrich in Morocco."

She even turned down future flings with Sam—which just really seems boastful—because she didn't want to tarnish the "purest" night of her life. Still, Amy gleaned this gem of wisdom from her epic one-night stand:

Let the record show that I'm not suggesting one-night stands are cure-alls for broken hearts and low self-esteem—but sometimes they really can fix a specific problem. And even better, sometimes sex is just its own reward.

Especially sex with a British superhero. 

Summer 2016's greatest secret has been ABC's Greatest Hits, wherein pop stars from yesterqueer and togay team up to perform, you guessed, their greatest hits. They've had the Backstreet Boys teaming up with Meghan Trainor for "I Want It That Way," Bonnie Raitt and Audra Day doing "Love Sneakin' Up on You," as well as a number of artists you haven't heard from or seen in many years and many tax audits.

For the season finale, Greatest Hits brought out the big guns, namely, petite ponytailed powerhouse Ariana Grande. Ari belted out two Whitney Houston classics, the sorely underrated "Queen of the Night" and everyone's favorite ode to unrequited love, "How Will I Know."

Ari even brought out the crimped hair while serving subtle Thierry Mugler (this) realness with a silver lamé thigh-high boot I'm not mad at, proving, once again, that she has the range. But lest we forget, Whitney was the range.

Ariana certainly never forgot, tweeting out that she was "honored" to be honoring her "angel," and I'd like to think Whitney would approve. Especially since she didn't resort to any hologram shenanigans. 

From one "Queen of the Night" to another, Adam Lambert paid homage to George Michael with "Faith":

And just for kicks, here's John Legend reminding us that Lauryn Hill used to be awesome:

You can check out more videos from ABC's Greatest Hitshere.

Ariana Sings Whitney, Adam Lambert Does George Michael on ABC's Greatest Hits

Ariana Sings Whitney, Adam Lambert Does George Michael on ABC's Greatest Hits

Ex-convicts and current America's sweethearts Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg are taking their longstanding friendship to the next logical level: a basic cable show. 

Martha & Snoop's Dinner Party is classing up the fall on Vh1, throwing a weekly dinner party with celebrity friends for a "half-baked evening of cocktails, cooking, conversation and fun where nothing is off limits."

Martha and Snoop have been cooking together for years, usually on Martha's talk show, and have displayed their considerable chemistry on ABC's $100,000 Pyramid and Comedy Central's Roast of Justin Bieber. Thankfully, '16 Bonnie & Clyde have decided to gift us with 10 episodes of them living their best lives. 

"At our dinner party, we will exemplify America's fascination with food, entertaining and celebrity," Stewart said. "Martha & Snoop's Dinner Party will redesign the traditional food competition shows in a new, different and very funny way."

Added Snoop: "My homegirl, Martha, and I have a special bond that goes back. We’re gonna be cooking, drinking and having a good time with our exclusive friends. Can’t wait for you to see how we roll together!"

Ah, the things they'll roll together.

[h/t] The Hollywood Reporter

Lee Daniels has finally convinced BFF and empress of the world Mariah Carey to guest star on his little primetime soap opera. 

Fox announced that the elusive chanteuse will be nailed down to an October 5 debut on Empire. 

In Daniels's capable hands, Mariah has delivered impressive, makeup-free, against-type performances in Tennessee, The Butler and, most memorably, Precious: Based on the Novel "I Want to Talk About the Abuse" by Sapphire.

But this is the small screen and Mimi doesn't play those games, according to E!:

Mariah will take on the role of Kitty, a mega-superstar who comes to Empire to collaborate with Jamal Lyon (Jussie Smollett) on an explosive new song. When the duet encounters obstacles, Kitty helps Jamal dig deep to overcome personal difficulties and reach a musical breakthrough.

Mariah has discussed guest starring on Empire in the past, telling Watch What Happens Live's Andy Cohen—in between shadings of Jennifer Lopez (sp?)—in May:

"They had this one idea and I was like, ‘Look if I'm not going to have an amazing character arc then why would we go on Empire to be basically a version of myself ?' So leave it to Lee and he'll have me in a wig they took out of a garbage can and a mustache."

So, wait, mega-superstar Kiki is nothing like mega-superstar Mimi? Well, either way, Lee Daniels clearly can't have Taraji and Mariah on the same project and not give the kids something to scream about. Lest we forget that wig-snatch of a Naomi Campbell cameo. 

Since season two was a bit of a snooze (at least until the last few episodes), Empire better be ready to emancipate the Mimi and release the Cookie for an epic shadefest the likes of which network TV has never seen. 

Mariah to Guest Star on Empire

Mariah Carey to Guest Star on Empire, Fox Confirms